RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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