Jerry, you need to find god
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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