your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
