i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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