Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
