I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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