A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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