I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
