I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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