Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
only you would photoshop your dick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
