He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize