I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
