am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
