There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
