I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
