his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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