I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
