Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dignity is for republicans.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize