I think I died a long time ago.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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