There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
