Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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