...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
