I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
