Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
