You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
