I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
