Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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