Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
