when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
