FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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