not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
