Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't put those talents on a resume
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
