The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
