wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
