Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
