Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
