can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
