He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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