i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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