we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
