I need to stop coming to work sober
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
