I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
