good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
