so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
