I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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