I think im going to throw up on grandma
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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