is your mom at the bar?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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