didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
