I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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