He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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