I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize