i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
