We're like a lot better than the average bears
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
