Can i not drive my cunt home
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
