Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
