I am puke
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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