My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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