im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
