I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
