We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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