I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
