Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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