jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize