And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
