You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
