He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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