butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
