If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
