I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
