by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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