Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
