we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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