We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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