I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
