Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
