Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize