I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
