Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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