Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
