I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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