im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
