chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize