you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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