What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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