Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
