Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
operation harelip BJ is a go
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize